


unfortunate circumstances

by matsinko



Series: shiratorizawa shenanigans [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, M/M, rated t for some raunchy language and nsfw mention, semi and shirabu are a trainwreck and ushijima suffers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 15:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10282385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matsinko/pseuds/matsinko
Summary: The thing is, Ushijima just wants to play volleyball.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is my gift for [blackroses-violetviolets](http://blackroses-violetviolets.tumblr.com) in the haikyuu rare pair exchange. i have a terrible writer's block and honestly this is such a mess, but i hope you enjoy it nevertheless!
> 
> big shoutout to beca without whom i couldn't have done it <3

The thing is, Ushijima just wants to play volleyball; and maybe water his plants so they bloom and make his dorm room all colourful and cozy. But no, that is not the point here. _The point is_ Ushijima wants to play freaking volleyball. To focus on it; feel his palm burn from too many well executed spikes or serves. He wants to let his mind reel with the feeling of a good, tiresome practice.

But lately there has been a _thing_ , a change, a little something that is just so damn distracting that every single one of his teammates is somehow invested in it. This thing is Shirabu and Semi’s newfound relationship. It would all have been fine if their relationship wasn’t affecting _every_ single practice. It was as if the air itself was charged with excitement and joy because two people liked each other.

And since Ushijima can’t lie to save his life, the thing that irks him the most is—and yes, he does realise that his damn pride is on the line by saying this—is that the whole blushing, and sneaking around, and lovey-doveyness is affecting his own relationship by ways he simply doesn’t know how to tackle.

Don’t get him wrong - Semi and Shirabu were a hard fought for thing. And it’s all thanks to his intelligent and shrewd as hell boyfriend’s matchmaking skills, Reon’s extreme patience, Kawanishi’s sneaky “oops I locked them in the club room” (okay, maybe not _that_ sneaky) method, and Yamagata’s one million plans of how to bring the two together. They were both hard-headed, snarky as hell, passive-aggressive (in Semi’s case just aggressive), and sarcastic to the point you wanted to slap it out of them. They would have probably still been pining after one another and hiding it behind shittons of bad attitude if not for the collective efforts of their team.

His own relationship is something sacred to Ushijima; something he comes back to after a long day of practice, the warmth of another body draped around him while he sleeps. It’s a home they’ve built in each other, it’s his ever present pillar of support, and it’s something he doesn’t parade around with. PDA is something that simply _does not_ factor into Ushijima’s definition of relationship. They’ve skipped all the blushing and chasing, all the embarrassment and unsaid words. Ushijima has simply found Tendou greatly attractive; an intelligent person with incredible magnetism and endearing quirks. He remembers confessing during lunch break a year ago, he remembers Semi spitting out his drink all over Yamagata, he remembers Tendou smiling like he’s the goddamn sun, and yeah, it turned out it was mutual and they went from there.

But it gets kind of difficult not to notice that his boyfriend, of all people, really pays attention to all the little weird things that Semi and Shirabu keep doing with such nonchalant abandon (seriously though, he thought at least Shirabu would have some shame). It was almost as if he, too, wants to partake in what Ushijima calls ‘Public Romantic Endeavours’ (which he has about 0 clue how they work) or in other words ‘Small Weird As Fuck Things Couples Do’. And no, he doesn’t mean dates and flower bouquets ( _thank god_ he doesn't need to physically attend Semi and Shirabu’s dates), he means the things they do in front of goddamn _everybody_.

And ladies and gentlemen, to everyone’s surprise, Semi and Shirabu are fucking _kings_ to Weird As Fuck Things Couples Do. Here are some of the examples, noted by your very own, Ushijima ‘ _What The Hell Is Going On_ ’ Wakatoshi:

  1. Two weeks ago Semi and Shirabu took longer than anyone else in the changing rooms. As if Ushijima didn’t get enough of the whole couple thing in the first place, they emerged with their jerseys switched (like _who does that_?). None of them even noticed until Tendou pointed it out. Two things happened this day: Ushijima learnt what second hand embarrassment felt like (poor Shirabu looked redder than an actual tomato), and he had to switch jerseys with Tendou the same night while they— _you know—_ because Tendou just didn’t stop pestering him about it. Ushijima will never ever admit it but it ended up being quite the turn on. _God damn it._
  2. 10 days ago Ushijima walked in the gym after his run only to see Semi carrying Shirabu around on his shoulders like they were freaking 10-year-olds. To his utter bewilderment Tendou looked outright ecstatic about the whole ordeal and had pointed them out eagerly by saying, “Wakatoshi, look!”. Ohoho, _no_ , no way in hell. Ushijima knew very well what this look meant and he was not partaking in this Weird As Fuck Things Couples Do anymore, no way.



If only he didn’t end up actually doing it during their walk in the park two days later.

Actually, fuck the list, Ushijima could write a freaking novel as things were going. Obviously Semi and Shirabu just couldn’t keep their hands off each other, they couldn’t stop being all gross, and starry-eyed, and swoony-swoony. Yet they still masked it behind loads of passive-aggressive shit and sarcastic remarks (Ushijima wonders if maybe that’s how the youth flirts nowadays). And still, the amount of yearning stares that disturb practice, which often results in balls in the face and bloody noses, were _too damn high_.

And since, obviously, Ushijima pissed off some God, or whatever, in his previous life, his suffering didn’t end there.

They’re at lunch this time, their usual 3rd year get-together on the school rooftop. Conversation is flowing as usual, smooth and soothing. Ushijima is 89% invested in his own lunch, 10% listening and 1% nodding when prompted. It’s mostly the usual teasing and snickering between Tendou, Yamagata and Semi— _however_ , Ushijima notes that the conversation is oddly unbalanced; leaning more towards Tendou and Yamagata doing the teasing whilst Semi is left squirming in his place.

(Do note that Semi _is_ the usual receiver of teasing, but also quite the aggressive counter-teaser, which is far from what he’s doing right now.)

“Semisemi~, I can’t believe I went through all this trouble,” Tendou makes sure to punctuate the last word as he speaks, “so my lovely kouhai-”

“We’re born in the same year, cut the crap,” Semi interrupts but his voice comes up kind of strained.

“So that my lovely kouhai,” Tendou continues like Semi didn’t just speak, “can have a very _unsatisfying_ relationship.”

Ushijima instantly regrets tuning in to whatever they’re talking about.

“I do _not_ have an unsatisfying relationship, thank you very much,” Semi squeezes in between his teeth.

“You look like you’re going to explode,” Yamagata chimes in.

“Shut _up_.”

“Listen, if you need an advice on how things work-”

Semi smacks Tendou across the head while Ushijima reevaluates his life choices. How did he end up here.. Listening to _this_?

“I know how things work, you idiot,” Semi all but screeches, “and I told already - we’re taking it slow.”

“But _why_?” Yamagata whines as if his love life is the one being discussed.

“Because, I come from a traditional family, okay?” Semi says defensively, “I can’t just—He’s— _ugh_.”

Tendou pants him on his shoulder, “There there.”

There is a pregnant pause between them.

“Wait! Does that mean that you’re not doing _anything_? Like anything at all? That would explain the fidgeting and you being all weird and touchy.” Tendou sounds utterly outraged and he makes sure to show it by completely overacting as he speaks.

“ _No_ ,” Semi sighs out. Ushijima can practically _see_ the ‘why is this my life’ oozing in the way his shoulders slump, “we have, it’s just—we’re trying something new, okay?”

“And by ‘new’ you mean?” Tendou prompts.

Ushijima knows that he won’t leave things to rest until he gets every single detail out of Semi. He fears Tendou takes pride in his matchmaking abilities a bit too much and now feels that those details belong to him as a reward.

Semi lets out a frustrated grunt, then he shifts, then he sighs. It’s making _even_ Ushijima uncomfortable.

“We decided to go a week without, you know, _anything_ , because afterwards it’s—ugh— _nice_.” He ducks his head, embarrassed.

“No way!” Yamagata shouts.

“Wait, no jerking off even?”

Semi shakes his head.

“Oh man,” Tendou snorts, “a week? No wonder your tosses suck.”

Semi kicks him in the shins, “It’s hot, okay? It’s like 10 times hotter as usual afterwards.”

Yamagata seems to be thinking it over. “It has to be quite quick though-”

“ _And hot_ ,” Semi intervenes, “and Shirabu gets so keen, _oh god_ , I’m _dying_.”

 _‘Why is nobody stopping this,_ ’ Ushijima thinks to himself. When did this become a normal conversation topic for them? He sighs, because he knows that deep inside he is not even surprised. He misses the next exchange and regretfully the next thing he tunes in is, “Maybe Wakatoshi-kun and I can try it too.”

Semi and Yamagata turn to stare at him, expectantly.

Wait... _what_!?

“Absolutely not,” Ushijima states, offended, but doesn’t let on emotion in his voice. He sends Tendou a dirty look but the latter is just smirking at him as if this shit is the best idea ever, “If you'd excuse me now,” Ushijima nods curtly, gathers his stuff and leaves.

His suffering cannot end here, obviously, because as he leaves he hears Yamagata snicker, “You guys are so vanilla.”

“HEY!” Tendou gasps offended.

He needs to reevaluate his choice of friends too it seems.

 

Ushijima must have _really_ pissed off a God, because evening practice is a nightmare. Both of the regular setters are A Mess™ and Ushijima wishes, oh how he wishes, he didn’t know the reason why. There is so much built up frustration between them that Ushijima can cut it with a damn knife and serve it on a plate during a Sexual Frustration Anonymous get-together.

So he does his captain duty, before the coach gets angry and kicks both of their asses. So after one especially shitty toss from Shirabu, Ushijima calls them both aside.

“Listen,” he pinches the bridge of his nose, as they stop by the end of the gym. He just wants to play fucking volleyball, not lecture two idiots on what not to do in a relationship, “You're both affected by whatever it is you’re doing.”

Semi blushes and Shirabu just looks confused.

“I’m not telling you to-,” he sighs, “just, _fix this_ okay?” he makes sure to look at Semi, pointedly. “Until then cool your heads on the bench.”

He subs two setters from the second string and the 3v3 match continues without further complications.

 

The changing rooms are noisy as ever, there is the usual banter and teasing, the usual loudness that seem to follow Goshiki wherever he goes, but there is also bickering, annoying, _ridiculous_ bickering happening just next to where Ushijima is changing.

 _Goddammit_.

“Why do you need to be such a little shit?” Semi sighs and waves his hands towards Shirabu as if the action will prove his point.

Shirabu scoffs, “Are you blaming _me_ for this?”

“Yeah,” Semi answers, easy as breathing, “Just-- _look_.” He waves his hands again.

“Look, _what_?”

“Look at _you_!”

Shirabu all but _whines_ , “Just stop.”

“Stop _what_?”

There are a lot of strange noises that Ushijima can only categorise as ones between defeat and frustration. It’s weird as heck and he wishes he could just tune out as usual. Why can’t he tune out as usual??

“I hate you so much,” Shirabu hisses.

“No, I hate you!”

“I just wish-,” his voice trails off.

“Wish what?” Semi prompts, suddenly curious.

“I could punch you in the face-,” Semi gasps, offended, “then push you against a wall and kiss this fucking attitude out of you.”

" _My_ fucking attitude, _you_ are telling me-” Semi makes a long pause, “Wait, _what_?”

“You heard me!” Shirabu starts to sound defensive and the whole thing is making Ushijima really really uncomfortable.

“You want to _kiss me_?” Semi asks, voice oddly high pitched.

Shirabu just whines back in response, then shoves the rest of his stuff in his bag and stomps away.

“Ugh, shit, Shirabu, wait!” Semi yells after him and follows.

Ushijima lets out the breath he was purposely holding.

“Hey, loosen up,” Tendou says, high spirited, and smacks him on the ass as if it’s nothing.

He perks up at that, the smallest of smiles tugging at his lips. In a normal situation, Ushijima would send him a dirty look instead but Tendou makes him feel comfortable, at ease. So he leans in slightly, their shoulders touching.

“Ah, rough day?” Tendou asks. No mentioning of Semi and Shirabu’s endeavours so far, so Ushijima relaxes as he nods. Tendou hums next to him.

There are suddenly arms around Ushijima, and a body, draping itself on both of them.

“Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?” It’s Yamagata.

“Hey!” Tendou swats at his arms, “We were having a moment here.”

Ushijima sighs.

“I don’t think this can wait,” Yamagata says matter-of-factly, “it’s frustrating _me_ , even!”

“As far as I’m aware, you can jerk off just fine,” Tendou just shrugs and Ushijima gives him _a look_.

How did they end up discussing this again?

“Anyway,” Yamagata says lightly, dismissing any previous conversation topics, “I got an excellent idea, listen.”

Ushijima has never heard of a _PDA jar_ before in his life, nor he particularly wanted to hear the story of how Yamagata got this idea from the girls’ swimming team, because there was increasingly more snogging and less swimming, according to the team’s captain who is in class 3-B with Yamagata. He calls it “love season” and explains it with merging the girls' and boys' swimming practice hours.

Yamagata promises it’s going to be just for a week.

He promises it will work.

And Ushijima... Well, Ushijima is _desperate_.

 

One week, he thinks, just one week of the whole _PDA jar_ thing, so he gets his undisturbed practice hours, so he doesn’t need to physically remove his two _best_ setters from practice games because of their… mental condition or state of mind or whatever he needs to call _it_.

He isn’t sure how the youth experiences love these days; he always felt oddly distant, as if emotions themselves flowed in different colours in his veins and he often found himself at loss needing to facing them.

Right or not, it wouldn’t hurt if he accepts Yamagata’s suggestion.

And so he does. Sends a quick text after practice, gives his the okay and leaves the rest to his teammate.

 

The next morning, he strolls into practice and finds some of his teammates gathered in one of the corners of the changing room. Semi is gaping, his mind slack open, eyes glued to what seems like an old sakura jam jar. There is a sticky note, clumsily glued over the old label with big ugly letters saying, “PDA JAR”. There is something else written underneath with the same ugly handwriting, which Ushijima guesses belongs to Yamagata. He needs to squint to be able to read it.

_Whoever makes their teammates uncomfortable with their relationship must put 500 yen in._

“500 yes? Have you guys actually went mental?” Semi all but shrieks.

Tendou just shrugs and proceeds to remove his uniform blazer, unfazed. Ophira shakes his head lightly with amusement, while Yamagata is still gloating around his piece of art of a jar.

Goshiki looks curious while examining the jar with bright eyes. He reminds Ushijima of a dog and he almost expects him to tilt his head just like dogs do when they don’t know what’s going on.

Kawanishi, of all people, lets out a snort as he reads the ugly label and Shirabu sends him a death glare before he stomps out of the changing room, already dressed in his training jersey.

“This isn’t going to work,” Semi says indignantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

 

By the end of the day, there is 2500 yen in the jar.

 

One week later, as Ushijima is strolling down the hallway on his way to the cafeteria, his phone buzzes for the what seems the 100th time in his pocket and he almost drops his books, trying to get it out.

 

> _12:30pm_
> 
> _Tendou Satori has added you to the chat_
> 
> **Yamagata Hayato:** i’d say the pda jar is a huge success
> 
> **Semi Eita:** fuck off
> 
> **Yamagata Hayato:** there there
> 
> **Semi Eita:** i don’t have any money left for lunch you asshole
> 
> **Tendou Satori:** you can share mine, don’t worry, semisemi~
> 
> **Semi Eita:** fuck off
> 
> **Oohira Reon:** I dare say we have enough to replace the new net Tsutomu ran into the other day.
> 
> **Yamagata Hayato:** if that’s not success idk what is
> 
> **Semi Eita:** fuck off
> 
> **Tendou Satori:** ahh young love
> 
> **Tendou Satori:** ｀;:゛;｀;･(°ε° )
> 
> **Semi Eita:** ugh
> 
> _Shirabu Kenjirou has left the chat._
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi:** I think it’s time to remove the PDA jar..
> 
> **Tendou Satori:** wakatoshi, no!
> 
> **Semi Eita:** wakatoshi, yes!
> 
> **Tendou Satori:** hey! only i call him that!
> 
> **Semi Eita:** it’s his fucking name
> 
> **Oohira Reon:** Soon, we’re gonna have enough to treat the whole team to ramen.
> 
> **Goshiki Tsutomu:** RAMEN \\(★ω★)/
> 
> **Semi Eita:** stfu goshiki
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi:** Reon you too?
> 
> **Oohira Reon** : I’m financing
> 
> **Ushijima Wakatoshi:** You’re all unbelievable..

 

Ushijima walks in into the cafeteria, briefly holding the door for the the two girls that were walking behind him. His eyes quickly scan the premises, looking for— _ah_ , there he is—Tendou is sitting at their usual table, typing at his phone. He lifts his head as if he sensed Ushijima’s presence and their eyes meet.

At this moment, Semi flops down to Tendou and Tendou’s attention shifts to his teammate.

He laughs at something Semi says and Ushijima can’t help but smile as he watches them interact.

 

His teammates might be dorks.

And he might not always understand them.

And they might disturb practice.

But he wouldn’t change them for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> ([my tumblr](http://matsinko.tumblr.com))


End file.
